scared.

Overwhelmed.
Sick.
Fear.
Anxious.
Neil & I had high hopes that he would be re-hired as a school teacher in the same district he has taught in since 2008. We accepted this last year off, almost enjoying it - asking questions like "what is God teaching us?" Mind you, He's taught us a TON and we've run through every type of emotion you can think of. We've been positive this entire school year, actually anticipating the good news that he'll get called back. We felt this was just a short stint & things would be back to normal come Fall 2012. Now, staying positive has been a difficult task for one of us....so the other (me) has been the positive cheerleader, since way back in the summer of last year. Oh, you'll get called most definitely in the beginning of the year, once they realize they need the extra staff. Also, saying things like This is kind of neat! You can check out all the different schools in the district....So on, and so forth after every passing month.
School year starts, weeks go by. Months go by....No call backs. Just subbing for my hard working husband - which he HATES doing. He recently started working at one of the facilities, where I work, so he has something to do over the summer. To myself (because I can't stress out in front of him) I can't help but feel negative, envious, jealousy....of those that don't have to deal with these types of issues....I hate that.

Well, about a month ago we heard some bad news. It's not looking so good. They've decided to close 3 elementary schools in the district & on top of almost 30 teachers retiring, they  need to let go of about 60 teachers/administration staff. Great. Up come the thoughts again, frustrations, questions:
Why is this happening?
Why did we move here?
Why did I leave my job in Temecula?
Why didn't we just try & stick it out in CA?
What's next for us?
Where do we go from here?
How do we overcome this?
Does Neil jump into a new profession?
Will this tight-financial-don't-spend-$$-on-anything!- lifestyle ever end?!

I'm dramatic aren't I?
So. I'm scared. Stressed. You name it. It takes every muscle in my body (surprised I'm not back to my dream size 7 by now) not to cry....
What do we do now?
Where do we go from here?
God - you there?